I. 12-29-05 Xbox360 Nissan
Heh, wicked car.
The Nissan Urge roadster allows a driver to use its steering wheel and gas and brake pedals to play PGR3 on a seven-inch LCD screen that folds down from the roof.

I. 12-25-05 Falloutboy Reinterpreted
Cruisin down the street in my luleelurah...

I. 12-24-05 SNL Narnia Rap, Gay Harry Potter
I've been watching this like 20+ times a day since I got back from Tahoe. I can't really explain why. I think there's just something about a middle aged white guy and his pal rapping about movie trivia, a children's book series, online map directions, and baked goods that really brings out the gangster in all of us.
You can call us Aaron Burr from the way we droppin' Hamiltons. ahahahahahah
Oh, and here's the hidden story behind Goblet of Fire for all you Harry Potter fans.

II. 12-22-05 Pacman
I wish interesting stuff like this would happen at my school.

I. 12-22-05 Tahoe 05
Our yearly excursion kicked ass. Aside from an asshole CHP officer, blizzards, a suicidal deer, detours, and a lost cell phone, that is. But seriously, this year was awesome. EPIC.

II. 12-15-05 Jesus is Hip
For real. Perhaps the most unintentionally hilarious article I've had the pleasure to read. Ever.
Actor Stephen Baldwin sheds his bad-boy image, finds God, and starts a group called Livin' It, which encourages young people to skateboard for the Lord.
That is arguably the greatest line ever written in the English language.

I. 12-15-05 Arnold Raver v2.0
This time, there is music!

IV. 12-13-05 Zero-G Water Balloons
Finally, some tax dollars well spent.

III. 12-13-05 Vending Machine
Always wanted to see a fat man break one.

II. 12-13-05 Skydiver
Parachute malfunctions, skydiver lives. Hooooooly crap, watch the video.

I. 12-13-05 10 Stoner Ideas for Peace in Iraq
Some brilliant thinking. Supposedly, excluding the pot they could grow and the whores, the plan would cost $67 billion. Which would have saved the US $20 billion. A bargain. Seriously, doesn't this sound like a better exit strategy than the one in place by the US (which is "we will leave when necessary")?

I. 12-12-05 Toys
The most popular toys of the last 100 years. I didn't know crayons classified as toys...

I. 12-12-05 Insurance
I was reading my insurance policy and came upon this little tidbit:
We do not cover bodily injury or property damage arising out of any insured's: Bodily injury caused directly or indirectly by war, including undeclared war, civil war, insurrection, rebellion, revolution, warlike act by a military force or military personnel, destruction or seizure or use for a military purpose, including any consequence of any of these. Discharge of a nuclear weapon shall be deemed a warlike act even if accidental.
No nuclear coverage? Bastards.

I. 12-11-05 Religious Bullshit
A little collection of quotes from various pillars of American society like Bush, Ashcroft, Falwell, Dobson, Reagan, Coulter, Robertson, and Limbaugh, among many others...
"Not all Muslims may be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims." - Ann Coulter
"With all due respect to those dear people, my friend, God Almighty does not hear the prayer of a Jew." - Bailey Smith, bigshot Pastor
"I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God." - George Bush Sr.
"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." - James Watt, U.S. Secretary of the Interior
"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being." - Jerry Falwell
“George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the United States, he was appointed by God.” - Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin
"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different...More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."
- Pat Robertson
...and many more. God bless America.

I. 12-8-05 Bill O'Reilly pwned on Daily Show
Hahahahahahahhahahahaa *gasp* hahahahahahhahahahahahhhahah.
Osama's Homobortion Pot and Commie Jizzporium.

III. 12-7-05 Tonight Show Prank
Get your free photos. Just wait until the ending, omfg.

II. 12-7-05 Symface
This is pretty crazy. Apparently the left side of my face got the crappy genes, how about you?

I. 12-7-05 Put Your Name in Space!
Courtesy a microchip and NASA.

II. 12-5-05 Spirit
The Christmas spirit is alive in my room. I know you wish you had as much Christmas spirit in yours.

I. 12-5-05 Hard Gay
Japanese comedian extraordinaire. He also gets his ramen groove on. Gayometer explodes.

I. 12-4-05 Barbell Curl
How not to be cool.

I. 12-3-05 Leaning Tower
Someone's getting fired for this.

IV. 12-2-05 Morning Musume wtf
Seriously, wtf. Japanese pop culture is spawn of Satan, I swear.

III. 12-2-05 Ebert's Most Hated
Movies, that is. Some of these are totally off the chain. Then there are the great ones, of course.

II. 12-2-05 Bullets
In high-speed photos. Hooray.

I. 12-2-05 Poor Dog
Ninja squirrels sure kick ass, though.

II. 12-1-05 Best of Dubyaspeak
Has been updated. Not bad, but I miss his all-time classic: "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

I. 12-1-05 Flush
All you poor souls whose faces turn red when you drink...beware.

I. 11-30-05 Awwww
Good Samaritans for the win.
Sediqi, 40, said he considered using the money to pay off credit card debt but decided to save it to help pay for his children's schooling. He gave the bracelet to his wife, Nasima.

I. 11-28-05 Fist...
This amazon.com item is sure to make your holiday wishlist this season. The reviews are hilarious.

I. 11-27-05 wtf
This picture from spectraleyes.com freaks me out. Don't you want to be freaked out, too?

II. 11-26-05 Xbox360 Commercial
"It had to be kept off the airwaves because of events in today's world." Someone finally makes a clever commercial and it gets shut down for retarded reasons. I hate people.

I. 11-26-05 Woooo Rednecks
I think age five is a good time to let a girl begin shooting things with a minigun, don't you?

II. 11-25-05 Get a Bigger Crane
I know it's totally schadenfreude on my part to be laughing at this, but...how could you not? The last picture looks photoshopped, upon closer inspection. No splash, and the crane looks smaller...

I. 11-25-05 Pat Morita, Nooooooooo
R.I.P., Mr. Miyagi. Wax on, wax off. Oh, and happy belated Manifest Destiny Day.

I. 11-20-05 Ouch
Yeah, knockout. Ouch.

II. 11-19-05 Nautical Madness
This guy traveled from Japan to Washington. Across the Pacific Ocean. By himself. In 130 days. Using a ROWBOAT. omfg.

I. 11-19-05 Iraq Again
There's just something about a suicide bombing at a funeral that warms the cockles of one's heart, isn't there.

OMFG this thing is sitting on the wall outside my front door. It is soooooo f'ing huge, how the hell does a moth get that huge, WTF?!?!??!?! If you think it looks big in the picture, you should see this thing in person, it's like the Yao Ming of moths or something, as;dkjf;alkwejaoiwejfk;sjdf!!!!!!

I. 11-13-05 Baba Yetu
This song seriously kicks ass. Listen and be awed.
Baba yetu, Yesu uliye, Mbinguni yetu, Yesu, amina! Baba yetu, Yesu, uliye, Jina lako litukuzwe.
SO karaoke-worthy.

I. 11-12-05 Toilets
Why public toilets have U-shaped seats, and ones in homes have the full circle. Crazy.
The “U” seat is preferred in public toilets because it is cheaper to produce, install, and clean...That’s all there is to it: Less surface area makes for less material; less material makes for less Lysol; less Lysol makes for greater savings; greater savings wins the war on terror, etc.

I. 11-11-05 History's Most Underrated Inventions
Great top 9.

I. 11-8-05 The Ring of Free Trade
Someone had waaaaay too much time on their hands and made an awesome Lord of the Rings parody about corporations and capitalism. Rock on.

I. 11-8-05 Top 30 Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel Facts
Badassery confirmed. Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel for the win.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

I. 11-5-05 20x20
Haha, the story (with pics) of some guy that went to In'N'Out for a 20x20. Insane.

I. 11-4-05 DOS Games
Oooooooh shooooot. Goldmine.

I. 11-3-05 Crazy Illusion
The pink dots...they disappear. Madness.

I. 10-29-05 Christian Rap
Ummmmm yeah. Observe at your own peril.

I. 10-28-05 The Rules of Sarcasm
Haha, good stuff from the BBC.
Finally, my secret weapon against overly sarcastic people: fail to understand sarcasm - take everything they say at face value. "Well that's just great!" they snarl. "Really?" you reply sweetly, "I thought you'd be upset." Keep it up and they'll be banging their head against the wall.

I. 10-27-05 White Sox win the World Series, and...
1916 - Red Sox win World Series
1917 - White Sox win World Series
1918 - Spanish Flu influenza (a deadly strain of bird flu) becomes a pandemic, and kills 25-50 million people within six months
*time passes*
2004 - Red Sox win World Series
2005 - White Sox win World Series, bird flu emerges
2006 - ??????

V. 10-23-05 Leave the Dopers Alone
Bravo, mister Stamper. Bravo. Too bad progress will probably remain handicapped by conservative pricks for the remainder of our lifetimes.
We're making more arrests for drug offenses than for murder, manslaughter, forcible rape and aggravated assault combined. Feel safer?
I've witnessed the devastating effects of open-air drug markets in residential neighborhoods: children recruited as runners, mules and lookouts; drug dealers and innocent citizens shot dead in firefights between rival traffickers bent on protecting or expanding their markets; dedicated narcotics officers tortured and killed in the line of duty; prisons filled with nonviolent drug offenders; and drug-related foreign policies that foster political instability, wreak health and environmental disasters, and make life even tougher for indigenous subsistence farmers in places such as Latin America and Afghanistan. All because we like our drugs -- and can't have them without breaking the law.

IV. 10-23-05 World's Top 100 Beers
Time to go shopping?

III. 10-23-05 White Supremacist Popstars
"Duo Considered the Olsen Twins of the White Nationalist Movement." Hahaha, this is by far the most entertaining news of the week.

II. 10-23-05 Stupid Christian Fundies, Again
March of the Penguins = affirms intelligent design and monogamy?
“If you want an example of monogamy, penguins are not a good choice,” Luc Jacquet told The Times. “The divorce rate in emperor penguins is 80 to 90 per cent each year,” he said. “After they see the chick is OK, most of them divorce. They change every year.” haha.
Oh, and the Onion has delivered the funny, as usual.

I. 10-23-05 Women of the World's Militaries
Hmm, a lot of these troops could probably kick my ass.

I. 10-21-05 Science Explains the Munchies
It all makes so much sense, doesn't it?

I. 10-19-05 Beautiful
My new wallpaper. Thaw a salmon portion, preheat oven to 450f, place salmon on sheet of foil on baking sheet, brush with olive oil, sprinkle salt, cajun spices, lemon pepper, or any desired spices onto fish, bake 14 minutes, and you can have a delicious wallpaper too :)

I. 10-18-05 Fish Eating Guide
Don't consume a mercury-laden diet!!! Here's how.

I. 10-14-05 Net Disaster
Destroy any webpage you want! Aha.

I. 10-12-05 Kung-Fu
Well, not really. At least it's entertaining.

I. 10-7-05 Sagan Quotations
Some good stuff here.

I. 10-4-05 The Lion King was a RIPOFF?!?!?
Nooooooooooooo say it ain't so!

III. 10-2-05 Hurricane Rita - Power Rangers Edition
Super crackass. "George Bush doesn't care about Black Rangers!!!" ahah classic.

II. 10-2-05 Animal Photoshoppage
Some pretty crazy stuff.

I. 10-2-05 Water Drop Gallery

I. 9-30-05 High School Exit Exam Woes
20% of CA 12th graders failed the exit exam, which tests 8th grade math and 9th grade English competency. One in five?!!?! omfg?

I. 9-29-05 Signs of the Apocalypse
Funny photoshop thread from fark.

II. 9-25-05 Attack Dolphins
...have been released into the wild by Katrina. God save the swimmers.

I. 9-25-05 Retrojunk.com Old School Intros
This site kicks ass. Check it out (rightclick/saveas): Duck Tales, Gummi Bears, Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Muppet Babies, Tale Spin, Rescue Rangers, Voltron, Saved by the Bell, Care Bears, Wonder Years, A-Team, Full House, Mr. Belvedere, Robotech, Woody Woodpecker, Dennis the Menace, Three's Company, Family Ties, Anamaniacs, Power Rangers, Captain Planet, Darkwing Duck, Biker Mice From Mars, Street Sharks, MacGyver, Doogie Howser, Gargoyles, The Tick, 90210, Xena, Hercules, Melrose Place,  and tons more!!!!

I. 9-23-05 Arnold Raver
Holy crap, I think this is my favorite candidate for internet picture of the year.

I. 9-19-05 Burger King Recalls "Sacrilegious Desserts"
This is so retarded. I wonder if this means that if BK puts something like this on the wrapper of their fish sandwiches, Christians can complain about being offended, too?  Seriously, oversensitivity x9999999. Religious douchebags are the greatest form of entertainment the world has ever seen. So the ice cream lid resembles the character for Allah. You know what else it resembles? AN ICE CREAM SWIRLY. omfg.
You know what, let's go complain about all the telephone poles out there that remind us of Jesus' crucifixion! That's a slap in the face to all believers! Oh, and that ice cream symbol looks like a pile of shit a dog left on my front yard! If I was this guy, I'd be mighty pissed that some dog defiled Allah's name on my lawn!!! Oh, and while we're at it, let's go sue Porsche, because they have a car named the 911, and keeping that name for that model is insensitive for victims of 9/11!!!!
I can't believe BK didn't ignore this guy and is actually spending thousands of pounds to redesign the lid with the "backing from The Muslim Council of Britain." What a bunch of wankers. Whatever, their food sucks anyways.
Oh, and the offending ice cream swirly design in question, of course.
The fast-food chain, Burger King, is withdrawing its ice-cream cones after the lid of the dessert offended a Muslim. The man claimed the design resembled the Arabic inscription for Allah, and branded it sacrilegious, threatening a "jihad."

II. 9-18-05 Noodling for Catfish
This is INSANE. Crazy ass rednecks, wtfffffff.
Also be aware that this is dangerous sport. Severe injuries, even death, can result from carelessness. Many noodlers are nicknamed "Nubbins," the result of unfortunate encounters with snapping turtles. omfg.

I. 9-18-05 New Grow Game
Awesome, somebody made a cubed version!

I. 9-14-05 Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children
This movie is ultra badass. By FAR the most spectacular CGI movie I have ever seen. I was a pretty serious FF7 addict in high school, so for me, there's the nostalgic bonus, too. But dammmnnnn this movie is seriously beautiful. The dvd was released in Japan a few days ago, but the English version isn't out until Nov-Dec. Thankfully, it's all over the internet (thepiratebay, mininova, isohunter, torrentspy, etc., complete with English subs). Go get it NOW!!!!!!
Oh, and if your FF7 history is a little rusty, you can check out the biography section of the Wiki entry on Sephiroth, which is quite comprehensive in regards to the game's storyline. It makes the movie that much more enjoyable.

I. 9-13-05 Google Earth Threatens Democracy
Saw that coming. I'm surprised it took so long for some country to complain about Google's omnipresence.

I. 9-8-05 Topher Grace = Venom = wtf?
Topher Grace vs Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man 3. Topher looks like he's about 100lbs short of the muscle to accurately portray Venom, but I suppose those can be digitally added.

II. 9-7-05 Mexico Helping the US in the Gulf
Irony abounds. Mexico is sending water purification systems to New Orleans.

I. 9-7-05 Driving Skills
Craaaaaaaaaaazy skills. I wonder how much those two guys were paid to stand there, aha.

I. 9-6-05 Govt has Reached New Lows
Michael Chertoff, Secretary of Homeland Security: "Louisiana is a city that is largely underwater." ROFL. Competence at its best. Quality news clip. Worth 5 mins.

II. 9-3-05 Hurricane Katrina Uncyclopedianized
So wrong, but still funny.
Mass chaos has been reported, and by the looks of it, there won't be any more Popeye's Chicken, Southern Decadence or Mardi Gras for a long, long time.
And from the New Orleans entry:
New Orleans sports a climate of mostly underwater. omg ahahha.

I. 9-3-05 Moose
Haha wtf. Different angle.

II. 9-2-05 Killer Whale Hunting Tactics
Supplement the diet with fresh fowl. Shamu is clever. I dunno why orcas would want to eat seagulls over fresh fish, though. Perhaps their culinary tastes are evolving...?

I. 9-2-05 National Guard Troops Authorized for "Shoot to Kill"
Hmmm I don't see any follow up stories to this...perhaps the author of the article was a little overeager to write about troops shooting.
Yes, New Orleans has seriously become a place of anarchy in the aftermath of Katrina. Desperate times call for desperate measures, I suppose. When looters and hoodlums with guns start shooting at emergency workers and doctors in a time like this, I really can't think of a reason to not put a rifle bullet in their face.
"These troops are fresh back from Iraq, well trained, experienced, battle tested and under my orders to restore order in the streets. They have M-16s and they are locked and loaded. These troops know how to shoot and kill and they are more than willing to do so if necessary and I expect they will." Hmmm do I smell martial law?

I. 8-31-05 Scamming the Scammer
P-P-P-POWERBOOK! A bit of a lengthy read (pdf), but it has pictures and is absolutely hilarious. That scammer got totally pwned.

I. 8-30-05 Crackass Parents
Well, here is an interesting way to punish your kids for staying up late watching a movie.

I. 8-29-05 CNN Weatherman Throws Fit
Ahahah I saw this (8mb file) live last night. Afterwards, the guy was like, "You know I was just messing with you right?" and they laughed, but I think the producer might have been gesticulating wildly to tell them to fix it and make up, because it seemed like he was having a proper hissy fit. Comedy.

II. 8-27-05 Koi no Buchiage Tengoku
This is another shining example of why Japan has one of the most twisted societies on the planet. (47mb)

I. 8-27-05 Stepmania, Takagism
This is ridiculous. I bet the guy is Korean.
And the stuff at this site is just weird.

I. 8-26-05 Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road...
To make friends with a Porsche, of course. (requires powerpoint)

I. 8-25-05 Fat Cat
I want it.

III. 8-23-05 Make the Pie Higher!
Poetry by the president. :D
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity. hahahaah

II. 8-23-05 Better Sleeping Pills
These increase wakefulness and performance. My future is secured.

I. 8-23-05 Alcohol Sayings
Fun stuff. Churchill's are the best :)

I. 8-17-05 Ukulele
This is amazing. I haven't really heard much ukulele music in the past, but this guy has serious talent. 28mb, so save as.
Here is the mp3 extract from the video. As usual, save as.

I. 8-16-05 Urban Ninja, Jeopardy
HAHA. Fear the madness that is "Kinetsu Hayabusa."
Oh, and here's the clip of the $1337 Final Jeopardy wager made by the Carnegie Mellon student that totally kicked everyone's ass.

I. 8-15-05 New Zealand Crackass
I don't even know how it would be physically possible to get it on with a rabbit, but Brendan Francis McMahon, 36, has obviously found a way.
Oh, and a guinea pig, too. And he was charged on two counts for weed possession. This guy is having a bad week. Of course, so are the local animals...

I. 8-12-05 Sad Picture
The kid in the picture is the 1 year-old son of the soldier in the casket.

I. 8-11-05 Praying Mantis vs Hummingbird
HARDCORE pwnatron.

I. 8-7-05 Bakery Shop, WTF
The emergence of William Hung got me omfging for a while, but this blows him out of the water. God, Li Unit, WTF.

III. 8-5-05 Cool Discovery Pictures
Pics of takeoff, in space, spacewalkin', heat tiles.

II. 8-5-05 Enemy At the Gates
Iraq insurgent style.

I. 8-5-05 Bust a Move!!!
Oh, the joy.

I. 8-4-05 Religion
I'm converting to the First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, who's with me?!?!?!?!
This is now officially my favorite page on the internet. The photoshop of the Sistine...omg ahahaha.
Uncyclopedia entry.

I. 8-1-05 Hot Sauuuuuce
Time to go down to San Diego's Seaport Village for some sauce shopping.

II. 7-31-05 My Wild Friends
I present the cowgirl penguin, the chick, the meerkat, the other penguin, and the chimp. Take a walk on the wild side.

I. 7-31-05 Bush Speechwriting
Hahahaha, AWESOME clip. A gem for my collection. And now, yours :)

II. 7-29-05 Color Perception
Woaaaaaa this is insanneeeeee.

I. 7-29-05 Planeteers
10th planet, wth?!?!?!?

I. 7-28-05 Sleep Debt
I have plenty of this.
Typically, for every two hours awake, the average person accumulates a little more than one hour of sleep debt. Hmm...so if I fall into a coma right now...I should be caught up by the time I'm...30?

I. 7-23-05 A Day...
...in the life of the smartest man in the world. Silly commercial.

I. 7-22-05 Aimfight
Haha, looks like AOL was storing buddy lists server side for a reason. Here's how they come up with the calculations.

II. 7-22-05 Flamingos
Yeah, baby flamingos are totally uglier than their Emperor Penguin counterparts.

I. 7-22-05 Windows
I suppose "Vista" sounds better than Longhorn.

I. 7-18-05 Chinese Civil War, Taiwan
I just absorbed an absolute wealth of information about China and Taiwan by reading the Chinese Civil War, Kuomingtang, Sun Yat-sen, and Chiang Kai-shek articles on Wiki. Absolutely fascinating. I think at least everyone of Taiwanese/Chinese descent living in the US should read them if they don't know the history - understanding them goes a long way towards making sense of the whole situation today. History of Taiwan is a good piece as well.

I. 7-13-05 Uncyclopedia
Yes, this site is awesome. It's like Wikipedia, except...super crackass. Take the Uncyclopedia article on emperor penguins compared to the Wiki one, for example. Or the platypus article: The Duck-Billed Platypus was a sick manifestation of God's first Trip, created around the 9th of Feburary, 5619BC.
The "In the News" section on the main page is a riot, too: HEAVEN - In a press conference today, Jesus revealed that he has cancelled his long-anticipated "Second Coming" comeback tour due to illness. According to inside sources, Armageddon is still scheduled to happen, but all of humanity is now pretty much screwed.

I. 7-11-05 3rd World Bomb Squad
Moral of the story: don't defuse bombs if you are not a professional. On a lighter note, here is a Coca-Cola/World of Warcraft commercial from China.

II. 7-9-05 March of the Penguins
Tonight I watched the movie of the YEAR. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry, and it will touch your heart. It will take you to one of the most eerily beautiful places on the planet, and you will be sad to see it fade to black at its close. You should see this movie not because I told you to, not because it has a 96% rating on RottenTomatoes (Roeper is a douchebag btw), not because you have nothing to do, not because penguins are the most awesome creatures on earth besides lobsters, but because you will walk out of the theater more of a man/woman than you were when you walked in, and it is your duty, calling, and great commission to be a better, more complete human being by watching the story of the Emperor Penguin. Do NOT miss out on this exquisite piece of filmmaking. If you do, you are a bagel. BAGEL!!! Search for the theater playing it nearest you! What are you waiting for? Check out the trailer if you're not convinced yet. Now GO.

I. 7-9-05 Squeeze-Its!
Does anyone remember these drinks?! WTF happened to them? They had these awesome commercials, and came in a variety of fruity flavors, and each bottle had a face on it depicting a certain emotion!!! And you'd get them at the end of little league games! What happened?!?!? There's like, absolutely no trace of them on the internet besides this picture (the picture isn't even one of the originals, which were like...1% fruit juice, not 100). That, and a petition to bring them back. Omgwth? And Kool-Aid bursts (the imitator drink), what happened to those?! Oh man, I'd pay like ten dollars for a pack of Squeeze-Its right now just to relive my childhood.

I. 7-5-05 Exploding Fireworks Factory
Uhhhh yeah. Wait until you see the ending.

I. 7-2-05 Boring Night...
So, in the tradition of Andre Techno Number One, I have made Canon In Sheep. Yes, that's me playing the violin, doing the psycho vocals, the sheep sounds, etc. Just recorded different tracks and combined them. Good times.

I. 6-30-05 Giant Catfish
Uhhhhhh 646 pounds. WTF.

I. 6-29-05 Google Earth
Wow. Wow. Download Google Earth. It is absolutely unbelievable. It's as if you have your very own satellite.

I. 6-28-05 Best National Parks
National Geographic has completed their survey of 55 national parks in the US and Canada, and the results are in. Time to head for British Columbia. Six of the top sixteen were in Canada, huh.
"The difference between the United States and Canada is that the first job of the parks service in Canada is to preserve the environment," Tourtellot said. "In the U.S., the parks are there to preserve the environment and promote outdoor recreation. What if the recreation is harming the environment? These competing mandates make it more difficult to manage when they conflict."

I. 6-27-05 Supreme Court Rulings
Here's a summary of the final cases the SC just ruled on before summer recess. Ten Commandments inside buildings = pwned. File sharing companies = pwned. Restraining order protection = pwned.

I. 6-26-05 The Worst Mistake in the History of the Human Race...
...was agriculture, according to Jared Diamond of UCLA Med. Here is his exposé detailing why. It's may be something of an anthropologist's delight, and a bit lengthy, but it's a quality read. Even though I personally would take being a lazyass over being a hunter-gatherer any day.

I. 6-25-05 Leopard Attack
If I was 73, the last thing I'd do if a leopard assaulted me would be to try to kick its ass via tongue snatch, but apparently this guy had other ideas. Insane.

II. 6-24-05 Tyson's Knockouts
A compilation. Ooohhh the pain.

I. 6-24-05 Raiden!!!!!!!
Remember this game?!?! Soooooo awesome, I feel like I'm a kid in Family Fun Center again :D

I. 6-23-05 AIM Profiles
Well, here's the dictionary.com definition for "profile." Now, can you go down your buddy list and find a single profile that fits this description? I'm gonna go down my buddy list and see what is being offered...links to free Maxim and Stuff, links to a zombies, a quote about snowboarding, xanga and livejournal links, a cryptic message, some song lyrics, advertising for an apartment sublet, more xanga, a facebook link, an uninteresting AIM convo blurb, the title of a song, an advertisement for a Macintosh operating system, another cryptic message, life is a bitch, an address, i live for the journey, insignificantly enough we both have significant others...ok, I don't want to go any further, because I'm boring myself to death.
Moral of the story: when bored, go to the Boobah zone, because it's infinitely more entertaining than checking people's infos.

I. 6-21-05 1 Dollar Lotus for Sale
What a stupid story. Radio DJ flirts with some model on the air, wife gets pissed and ebays his car for 50p (about .80 USD). Belongings in the street? Psh. Walk into the house and throw her out with a "will sell crack for food" sign tied to her or something. When marriages don't work out you make up or divorce, Jesus Christ. And if you're gonna gut your husband, you might as well sell the car for more than like 80 cents US. What a stupid bitch. That's a $45,000 car, it would've been swooped up for thousands more with a buy it now option in a heartbeat. Now she's gonna be divorced, her kids will be in a broken family, and she'll be out of a fat chunk of money. Good going, braniac. Link to ebay auction.

I. 6-16-05 Rwanda
Read this. It might change what you consider "evil."

VII. 6-15-05 Europride 2005
Hahah, thoroughly entertaining commercial.

VI. 6-15-05 Steve Jobs
Transcript of the graduation speech he gave at Stanford. Good read, well worth a few minutes of your day.

V. 6-15-05 Haagen Dazs
So I found a sale on Haagen Dazs pints at Albertsons (2 for $5), and upon discovery, I think I may have gone a little overboard. Well...nah. In my defense, only 8 of those pints are mine (all the sorbets, the pistachio, and the truffle). Only 8!!! Anyways, what better time to try out all those flavors?! Speaking of which, click on the picture for full size to see all the individual flavors :D

IV. 6-15-05 HK Pictures
Found some stunning pictures of Hong Kong.

III. 6-15-05 HL2
Some craaaaaaaaaazy HL2 rendering action. Looks sooooooo creepily real.

II. 6-15-05 Matrix
Matrix fighting around a college campus. Mildly entertaining, haha.

I. 6-15-05 Lobster Festivals 2005!!!!!!!!!!!!
First at Port of Los Angeles Sept 16-18, and another in Redondo Beach Sept 23-25!!!! Mark your calendars NOW.

I. 6-13-05 Sexy
There's just something about this ad banner that made me laugh. Here's the site it links to.

I. 6-12-05 Bright Eyes
A pretty intense performance on the Tonight Show that's worth watching.

I. 6-11-05 Roommate
My fratboy roommate had a party while I was gone and some CAs (VDC's equivalent of RAs) came, stopped the party, and broke his buddy's hookah. Haha.

I. 6-10-05 Crazy Breakdancing
Some cool moves. I duno wtf those two black guys are doing at the end with their seizure routine, though.

I. 6-9-05 Vader YTMND, E-Penises
I know the ytmnd thing is getting old, but I couldn't help laughing at this one.
SA has another great article up, this time about your virtual shlong.

III. 6-8-05 Bach Aria Found
Lost works found. Awesome. Bach's only known strophic aria. Sir John Eliot Gardiner, get on that recording STAT.

II. 6-8-05 Poor Guy
Somehow my sense of sympathy avoids me, though. How NOT to skateboard.

I. 6-8-05 Car Chase
If anyone was on the 10/710/5 freeways in the LA area yesterday near Alhambra, and wondered why the freeway was backed up for hours, this is what the commotion was all about.
Deputies shoved a tear gas grenade into the minivan of a man armed with two guns and a knife and, when he opened the door, sent a dog to drag him out...Dennis Elliot Shellhouse, of Phenix City, Ala., was taken to a hospital for treatment of dog bites and gunshot wounds.

I. 6-7-05 Chinese People Trying to Get Taller...
...via breaking their legs with a machine. Jesus. You couldn't pay me to break my legs, never mind ask me to pay a doctor to do it, wtf.
Xia breaks his patient's legs, then attaches metal pins to the separated bones, which are held in place by metal frames around the patient's legs. The patient then has to twist a knob daily to drag the ends of broken bone apart gradually, encouraging new bone to grow to bridge the gap as the fracture heals. OMFG

I. 6-6-05 Dominos
A cool demonstration of the amazing Half-Life 2 physics with a domino effect. And a happy ending, too.

I. 6-4-05 How Men Screw Up Romance
I love the Internet's abundance of funny video clips such as this.

III. 6-2-05 PSA: College Students
For all of you that don't know what happens in microwaves during cooking or are in the dark about proper usage, here is a tip: on most occasions, it is fucking stupid not to cover whatever it is you are cooking. If you look inside your microwave, and there is food stuck on the tray, the sides, the ceiling, or all of the above, you or whoever lives with you has failed at life. It takes three seconds to reach for a plate and cover the bowl before pressing "start." The material on the plate upon the completion of cooking rinses off in a matter of seconds, whereas cleaning the microwave is infinitely more annoying. Even a paper towel will do the job, and you don't even need to wash that for future use. Sigh, I hate slob behavior. Almost as much as I hate ignorant right-wing extremists. Just kidding, I don't hate them, I just wish they wouldn't reproduce. Haha, just kidding again. Everyone has a right to have children. Except people that have AIDS. Just kidding again. Yeah, point is, cover your fucking food in the microwave; it's the proper thing to do. If you don't, you're a wanker bitch and you should get cancer. Just kidding, only Ann Coulter should get cancer. Really.
Oh yeah, and empty milk cartons/gallon bottles go on the ground next to the trash bin. If you can't bear the sight of a plastic container on the ground next to the trash can, at least flatten it first. If you choose to put them in a trash bin smaller than 13 gallons without flattening them first, you're an idiot. And frying pants in the sink...you deserve to be Darwinized if you put pots, pans, or woks in the sink and just leave them there to deny total sink usability.

II. 6-2-05 Bittorrent
Discussion on slashdot that's a decent read regarding bt.

I. 6-2-05 Water Jet Pack
Uhhhhh yeah, just a guy getting shot like a hundred feet via a bunch of water bottles strapped to his back...

I. 6-1-05 Maddox Reviews Star Wars III
Palpatine: Hello, I'm Senator Palpatine. I'm a Sith Lord. My race is known for lying and deception. Could I interest you in a dubious solution to all your problems?
Anakin: Sure! Even though I have no reason to believe you, I'm compelled to deny a lifetime of hard work, training, and benevolence in exchange for a vague promise about a cure for a potential ailment my wife may have based on a premonition from a 20-second dream sequence.
Aha, article here.

II. 5-27-05 Time to Leave Home
Ahahahah awesome commercial. Ikea, pshhhh.

I. 5-27-05 FF7 Advent Children
The movie has a cool new updated website up. I uploaded the two trailers (.swf) for your viewing/downloading convenience, since the site's versions can't be viewed fullscreen. Open with IE or FFox. Not released until September 13th, ugh.

II. 5-25-05 Liverpool...
Won the Uefa Champions League final today. Unbelievable stuff. Probably the best soccer game I've ever seen. I have all the goals, highlights, compilations, and the penalty shootout, if anyone wants them. I'm thinking of printing out this mask and following it up with some Du the Dudek. That would be awesome. Especially pose 5.

I. 5-25-05 Boohbah Zone
It has come to my attention that many of you still have not seen the Boohbah Zone. You are deprived. Visit the site; it's quite entertaining. I'll bet it's ten times as entertaining if you're a regular substance abuser. Pretty much everything on the site is clickable, btw.

II. 5-23-05 Final Fantasy 3 to the Extreme
update: Since I'm so awesome, I zipped up the 8 segments and hosted it as one 22mb file for your downloading convenience. DL link.
This flash movie is infinitely more entertaining if you've played and beaten FF3 (or FF6, same thing) and at least remember enough to have your memory jogged. I think it's quite possibly the best flash movie I've ever seen. Beware, though, it's 30+ mins long, but only because it goes exactly at the same pace as the game. Pure awesome, 99 out of 10 stars. See, randomly browsing forums and generally wasting time on the internet can result in great finds!!!
As far as I can tell from watching it: PSP = Kefka; Sega Saturn = Locke; Playstation = Terra; Dreamcast = Celes; Gamecube = Sabin; N64 = Edgar; FX = Mog; Xbox = Umaro/Sasquatch; Wonder Swan = Setzer; 3DO = Cyan; Virtualboy = Shadow; Gameboy = Strago; Gameboy Advance = Relm; SNES = Maduin; Playdia = Gau. PS2 = Emperor Gestahl. Pocketstation = Kefka (before moving the Goddess Statues); NeoGeo CD = General Leo; Jaguar = Ultros; Game Gear = Cid; Disk-kun = Duncan; Gameboy Pockets = Children; Panasonic Battery = fish.
If you want to save it to disk, you'll have to download all 8 individual segments, since "save as" from the original link will only save the first segment to harddrive: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

I. 5-23-05 Incredible Carpentry; Yongfook
Check out this powerpoint. Unbelievable crafts.
Oh yeah, check out some of the food reviews at Yongfook. The articles are hilarious, even if you have never seen or heard of the foods being commented on. Natto, ginGARRR, and Oops, I, ate it a-gain are rather entertaining.
I tip my cap at the man who can eat one of these whole and not cry for his mother whilst flailing his arms around and screaming like a howler monkey on fire. In regard to ginger candy, aha.

I. 5-21-05 I Bought Jeans
This may seem trifling and inconsequential, but au contraire, haharrhagghhh. The last time I owned, or even wore a pair of jeans was before I entered high school. Yes, I prefer khakis that much. Truly a historic event on an otherwise insignificant day. Credit goes to Lu for persuasion, selection, and subsidization. gg.

I. 5-20-05 Star Wars: Episode III
So, after standing in line for two hours (and inadvertently getting a tan while I was at it), I got to see the final episode (unless Lucas or somebody makes Eps. 7,8,9, which is unlikely) of a movie series that my middle school life revolved around. Really.
First of all, Darth Vader is no longer cool. He has gone from "I AM YOUR FATHER" and "NOW I AM THE MASTER" and "Join me, and we shall rule the galaxy" etc etc etc to a human equivalent of a coyote wailing its mournful howl at the moon. Also, I think I've seen Dennis the Menace, Popeye, and Woody Woodpecker episodes with character dialogue better than this movie. Natalie Portman's character is totally wasted, and for someone who talks about loving his woman so much, Anakin sure as hell can't show any more warmth than a random signature on my 5th grade yearbook. There's also the matter of why in hell these Jedi Knights swing their lightsabers like they weigh as much as battleaxes, but I suppose it looks more dramatic when you accentuate your slashes and parries with a move resembling a ten year old swinging a big hatchet over his head down towards the ground. Also, "I have the high ground!" at the end. WTF?! Watch the movie and you'll understand. Just keep in mind that Jedi Knights can force jump in terms of height and distance more than like 10 Olympic jumpers combined. Total wtf.
Anyways, pussification of Darth Vader, Babysitters Club-worthy dialogue, and odd physics aside, the movie is pretty bad ass, and definitely worth watching in a theater (I saw it on IMAX giant screen, complete with bass worthy of a hiphop concert). It's a beautiful assault on your senses of sight and hearing. Too bad half the scenes send your cheese/lame-o-meter through the roof, but that's the script's fault, not the actors'. Redemption is in the "wow, that was crazy" factor. Remember the first time you saw Saruman's army attack Helm's Deep, or watched Legolas jump onto a huge elephant creature and bust out all his elven battle trickery? Yeah, kinda like that.
- Outside the theater last weekend:
Pics: Line Leaders. Presidential Suite. A Few Tents Down. Back of the Line (lightsaber man included!!!)
I wonder what happens when the movie actually shows. Who is going to watch their tents for them? Aren't all their friends Star Wars geeks too? People might raid their tents and steal all their lightsabers and Chewbacca crackers and Princess Leia blowup dolls. Maybe put up a motion sensing Admiral Ackbar that says "IT'S A TRAP!"?

II. 5-19-05 Murderer Caught via Xanga
Scary story. All to finance a trip to Hong Kong, wtf?! Here's the guy's blog entry, which apparently was posted moments before he was killed. And a picture of his sister from his website.

I. 5-19-05 Google Personalization
Just when you thought Google couldn't get any more kick ass, they introduce this. Personalization! Such a handy little thing. Need an account with Google before you can get it, but everyone has a gmail account now, right?

II. 5-18-05 Monopoly!!!
Anybody care for a game with me?

I. 5-18-05 Head for the Maldives
Why? Because there's an UNDERWATER restaurant there!!! Insane.

I. 5-16-05 Kitten Review
Well, after reading this carefully written, thought-provoking review, it's safe to say that kittens offer better options than puppies, babies, and videocards. Click the hyperlinks when available, too, they're hilarious. E.g. "babies offer superior resale value," links you to the baby trafficking in China, omg aha.

II. 5-14-05 Boobies?
Ripped from Fark: The FCC fined CBS millions for inadverdently showing Janet J's boobie. Yesterday, several stations broadcast a man shot to death by the police, live. How much will the FCC fine that station? Submitter predicts $0. What say you?
Haha. Google search results for stories related to the shooting here.

I. 5-14-05 Luxury Submarine
Yeah, if I had ungodly amounts of money, I'd get one of these to cruise in.

III. 5-11-05 Breakdancing
Not exactly what you'd expect, but still entertaining. The site is full of great videos. "Ultimate OWNAGE Video" is pretty nuts, too, and KOOL-AID man!!!

II. 5-11-05 Hailstorm
Wow, a must see. Imagine standing outside in this, you'd probably die.

I. 5-11-05 Sergeant Slaughter
I've been seeing this in the news, but didn't know the details until now. Good god, this is why I'm generally against the death penalty, but would make exceptions for stuff like mass murderers and this guy. I mean, fuck, butchering your daughter and her best friend? How the fuck could someone like that be rehabilitated?
Laura Hobbs was stabbed 20 times in the neck, abdomen and both eyes, and Krystal Tobias was stabbed 11 times in the neck and abdomen. "To get an idea of the type of thrust that was being used, the injuries to Laura's neck actually not only went through tissue but struck in the spinal cord as well." OMFG. The guy was in prison before for beating his wife, too. Ridiculous.

II. 5-9-05 Chronicles of Narnia
The trailer for The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is out. It looks HAX :D  I hope it lives up to the books (which were super awesome, even more than desert lobsters). Coming out Dec. 9 omfg. Crossing my fingers and hoping it's worth the wait. Btw the filename is ridiculously long, for some reason I had to rename it to something short to get the trailer to work.

I. 5-9-05 Star Wars: Revenge of the Brick
Short movie. Some of the best Lego animation I've ever seen. Funny, too. Watching it will be 5 minutes well spent.

I. 5-6-05 Lion Hunting
Too insane. Oddly enough, I found myself cheering on the lion as it tried to make a move.

I. 5-4-05 "Be Somebody!"
Just in time for Mother's Day, Mr. T is here to perform a routine for you. Yes, I think it's the most crackass thing on the internet right now, too.
Haha, I found a website with info on the video where that "Treat Your Mother Right" clip is from. Wow, now I really wanna see the rest.

I. 5-3-05 Omfg
This has to be some of the most stupid/insane car footage I've ever seen.

I. 5-1-05 Funny Onion Article
US Students are having trouble getting laid abroad because of US foreign policy, lol. Another quality lampooning by America's finest news source.

II. 4-30-05 Another Addicting Game
"Guess the Google." Instructions: you're shown a collage of pictures, and you have to guess which word was typed into Google image search to get those results. Pretty fun. Omg, I don't know how those top few people got 399. That means they responded to all 10 correctly, and 9/10 of them were answered before 1 second passed. I call BS. I got 180 on first try, 314 on the second. Too sleepy to try a third right now.

I. 4-30-05 Napoleon Numa Numa
Haha, one might think this was inevitable. Still a great video :D

I. 4-29-05 Weapon of Mass Destruction
Yes, it has been found at a school, and it comes packed with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa, and jalapenos.
But honestly, how paranoid does someone have to be to call the police when they see an 8th grader carrying something "long and wrapped" in a goddam t-shirt?

I. 4-27-05 Exploading Toads!
Omg teh madness!!11!1!1!!!one!!one!!1!!!1!!!!!!!!!

I. 4-24-05 Negative, Ghostrider, The Pattern is Full
I can think of few worse things to happen to you than colliding with a plane midair.

I. 4-22-05 Crazy CG Skills
Check out this picture. That is just SCARY real. This looks good, too. So does this one. Crustacean nation!!!!
You can check out more crazy artists at the 3DArtists page.

I. 4-21-05 Annihilation Vid
If you ever played Quake 3 Arena, you should check out this vid. 288mb, but the download speed is super fast and the clips are awesome. Supreme rocket launcher ITTS.

II. 4-20-05 Best Restaurants Worldwide
Some UK joint got first place, huh. There's a list of the top 50 at the bottom of the page. New life goal: visit all 50.

I. 4-20-05 Vietnam Love Letters to Iraq
Great story. Brings a tear to my eye. Almost. Ok, not really. But honestly, at the rate the war in Iraq is going, she's going to run out of old paper to write on. Really. Anyways, happy 420.

I. 4-19-05 Pope
The world has a new pope. Some German dude named Ratzinger, who is now Benedict 16th. I think "Pope Fellatius I" would have been a cooler name, but wtf do I know. He was in the Wehrmacht during WWII. Nice. The pope is a Nazi muffin. Yes, yes, I know, you can say that being in the WWII German army doesn't make you a Nazi, just like you can say that flying a plane into a NY skyscraper doesn't make you a terrorist. Let me poke my fun at organized religion in peace.

I. 4-13-05 Calculator Words
Heh, did you ever punch these into your calculator in 6th grade and show your friend in math class and giggle? I did...

I. 4-12-05 Hunting Season!
Yes...hunting season approaches...hunting for CATS.

II. 4-11-05 Real Life vs. The Internet
Red vs Blue style.

I. 4-11-05 Ann Coulter is an Idiot
Proper idiot. As usual.

I. 4-9-05 Amazing Basketball Shots
Wow, I wonder how many takes it took these guys to make this video. Hardcore. And video edited.

II. 4-8-05 Desperate Household Electronics
HAHAHAHHAH awesome video, an internet classic in the making. "Giggity giggity gittity"

I. 4-8-05 Duck receives Secret Service protection
Does this seem like a colossal waste of resources or what? Or maybe it's a PR stunt by the govt. to appease PETA. Honestly, just let the fucking duck sit there and nest, and if something bothers it, it'll move. Look at the pictures after the main one, they actually have like a metal fence around it, omfg? I suppose if I was a SS agent assigned to protect the Treasury building I'd be bored off my ass and build a fence, too.

II. 4-6-05 The Jesus Comic
Omg this is a riot. I feel like I'm in 1st grade Sunday school again. "Praise Allah!" ahahaha.

I. 4-6-05 Teletubbies Mercy Killing
Funny game. Got 860.

II. 4-2-05 Sin City
Saw this tonight. Don't have much to say about it, besides that it was one of the most intense things that I've watched in a theatre lately. It seriously blitzes your mind. It was sinister. So very very dark and sinister. But sooooooo stylish, too. And brutally beautiful. It's heavy on narration, kind of like someone's telling you a long bedtime story with supplementary video that's meant to do anything but put you to sleep. Not exactly something you'd take your mother to go watch, but very much worth your while. Goes up there with the other movies that stand out in terms of grab-you-and-doesn't-let-go-till-the-ending like Fight Club and Closer. It's easy to see where Tarantino had his influence, like the Pulp Fiction-ish non-chronological sequence of events, and the multiple chapters of a story with a few things that link them all together. I think it might be the coolest movie I've ever seen. Definitely worth the ticket admission.
Found a good article about the movie's "7 potentially deadly sins." Tells you a lot without really giving anything away, but you still might wanna watch it first.

I. 4-2-05 Blind Doctor
A pretty amazing story. The guy must be a genius.

II. 4-1-05 Fun Stuff
...that I've come across on April fool's this year. Water on Mars. Human contact spreads PC viruses. Google Gulp. Zug's "Fool the Media" pranks. Bush's WMD "punk'd." Tokyo penguins. And this is a pretty old story (non-April fool's related), but it's still moronic: Woman dumps man for his online alter-ego. Taiwanese people. Oh well, one step towards cleaning our gene pool.

I. 4-1-05 Tahoe Again
Went to Tahoe from 3/26 - 3/31. Some of the best snow I've had the pleasure of skiing yet, due to massive snowfall during the stay. Took a whole bunch of pictures, and uploaded some of the prettiest ones to webshots. Some are almost postcard-quality, perhaps? :D

I. 3-26-05 Just a Thought
There are few things in the world more exasperating than being flaked on. So please, try not to be a flake. Yes, it may be hypocritical of me to say so because no one on earth has truly never had to bail on something due to various circumstances, but still, it's something worth keeping in mind.

I. 3-25-05 Voluntary Crucifixion
Don't quite know what to say about this..."What would Jesus do? Ohhh he'd get nailed to a cross! Follow his example!" Obviously, I got nothin'. Maybe these people would buy toilet snorkels. Crazy ass Filipinos. "By all means, make sure the nails are nice and snug, I wouldn't want any chafing!"

I. 3-23-05 Scam the Scammer
Haha I can't believe this even happened. FYI the pic of the soldier with the two kids and the cardboard sign has been circulating the internet for a while, and has had countless photoshops done changing the text on the sign. "We all love Pedro!" omg ahahah.
Oh, and here are the top five internet scams, if you haven't seen them already. Don't be a stupid victim!
Several victims have been killed or gone missing while chasing a 419 scheme. The question you've gotta ask yourself: Of all the people in the world, why would a corrupt African bureaucrat pick me to be his accomplice? Seriously.

I. 3-22-05 $$$$$
Holy crap, 40 million dollar crazy house. 22,779 square feet on a 2-acre property. Perks include boat dock, lake front view of Lake Washington, and landscaped grounds. And "Rich architectural embellishments; the great hall evocative of the palaces of fairy tales." Holy crap, imagine having a great hall in your house and a "master suite of epic proportions encompassing the marble bath, personal workout gym, and a wardrobe wing." I wonder what the daily maintenance cost is. Well, I suppose if you can fork over 40 mil for a house, the water and gardening bills shouldn't be much of an issue.
Oh, and speaking of expensive architecture, I wouldn't mind spending some time at The Burj Al Arab Hotel, either.

II. 3-21-05 Mother's Love
So sad when a mother's love...goes to waste. Nothing like a pointless suicide to spoil your day.

I. 3-21-05 Videos
It's super videos day! 1)Crappy work happenings. 2)Vince Carter's crazyass dunk. 3)Scary motorcycle deer cam. 4)Terry, office linebacker. Part one, two, three, four, five. All five HIGHLY recommended. 5)Motorcycle stunts. 6)Baby dancing skills. 7)CRAZY "robot" dancing, and the Kollaboration highlights.

I. 3-19-05 Happy Birthday
The Iraq War hits the 2-year mark today. Bon anniversaire, Iraq, now you can celebrate your "liberation" all over again. Oh wait, sorry, celebrations should be a bit subdued because a couple of contractors and three of your police officers were blown away today by insurgents, and your country is still a shithole. Actually that sounds pretty bad. I don't have anything against the country itself, just the retarded situation that could have been avoided. I'm reminded of a few quotes from the House of Representatives' webpage:
“Well, the Office of Management and Budget, has come up come up with a number that's something under $50 billion (current cost 157 billion and rising) for the cost. How much of that would be the U.S. burden, and how much would be other countries, is an open question.” - Donald Rumsfeld
“The United States is committed to helping Iraq recover from the conflict, but
Iraq will not require sustained aid.” - Budget Director Mitch Daniels
"The oil revenues of that country could bring between $50 and $100 billion over the course of the next two or three years…We’re dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon.” - Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz

Of course, it's a little late for "woops." Seriously, where's all this money they speak of? And oil? Last I checked, it was still pretty expensive.

I. 3-18-05 Damn
So this is how Iran takes care of bad criminals. pwned.

I. 3-17-05 Bad 911 Call
This is a bit old, but still comedy. I hope to god this wasn't for real.
911 dispatcher: "This is not a criminal issue. We can't go out there and make them make you a cheeseburger the way you want it...Is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I'm not sending a deputy down there over a cheeseburger." LOL

II. 3-16-05 Star Wars Ep 3
The trailer has been released. If you haven't seen it yet, there are multiple download links in this thread. At least it looks cool.

I. 3-16-05 Storm the House
Another flash game to ruin your life. Died on day 59 or something because there were so many tanks lagging the game that reloading wouldn't register and my base was destroyed. Lame. It's all about the missile silo workers, gunners are useless past like 50.

II. 3-10-05 Sexual Harassment Information
I know this is no way for real, but it's hilarious. NSFW audio.

I. 3-10-05 Personal Ads
These personals freak me out.
I will assess you for your genes and determine what our children will look like and share it with you 15 minutes into our first date. I will furnish your home with my toothbrush and bad taste in art just after I tell your mom every intimate detail of our previous night.
I'm an overweight, middle-aged underachiever. The skull tattoos on my arms complement my wardrobe, which I call rural proletarian.

I. 3-9-05 Rock, Paper, Saddam!!!
Yet more awesomeness found on teh intarweb.

I. 3-8-05 Zlad, Molvanian Idol, AWESOME!!!!
Omg LOL. Something has emerged to challenge Dragostea din tei as the hottest music and video on the internet and the WORLD. Here are the lyrics(pure awesomeness) and the background info. And the mp3 link :D
You and me gets higher and higher. Cut communication wire. Only thing can stop us is flat tire. Hey, love crusader. I want to be your space invader. For you I will descend the deepest moon crater. Make a wishes on a shooting stars. Then for you I will play on my cosmic guitars. Long live Space Race. Long live Molvania. ahahaahhah, from Ron's.

I. 3-4-05 Chimps Will Kick Your Ass
Quite possibly the most frightening story I've ever read that had to do with chimpanzees.
A couple's plans for a birthday party for their former pet chimpanzee turned tragic when two other chimps at an animal sanctuary escaped from their cage and attacked...St. James Davis had severe facial injuries and would require extensive surgery in an attempt to reattach his nose, Dr. Maureen Martin of Kern Medical Center told KGET-TV of Bakersfield. His testicles and a foot also were severed. OMFG

I. 3-1-05 Interview With God; Rappers
Uncle sent me link to this. "View presentation." It's at least a few years old, since I remember seeing it sometime in high school, but it's still kinda cheesy fun to watch, I suppose, though you could argue that anyone that has lived on Earth for a while or studied history would come to the same conclusions. Wait...that's how this slideshow was created! Haha. Watch it for the nice music and pictures, then.
Oh, and "the Game" was excommunicated from "G-Unit" for disloyalty. In other news, rappers can excommunicate other rappers.
50 also said Game should stop saying "G-Unit." "He thinks he's doing me a favor when he says that." ahaha

I. 2-28-05 Nanaca Crash!!!
Fun game. The only work it actually requires you to do is click. Omfg someone got 17020.25m.
Some tips from Ron:
-when one of the chars light up under "Special" if you land on her while she's lit up like that you get a special combo, which is pretty much luck unless you are godly with the blue aerial
-use the red aerial primarily for dodging green chicks
-when the word Aerial lights up blue, you can use the blue aerial, which recharges, and when it lights up red, you can use your red aerial
-if someone is lit up and you have the purple chick (blocker) enabled, you get a super combo
-when it says "special press" you need to click fast, otherwise a red X will appear showing you missed it

III. 2-24-05 The Best Work Log Since...True Porn Clerk Stories
Seriously, it's that good. If you don't remember the porn clerk stories, it was a log kept by someone who worked in an adult video store, and contained some of the most entertaining tales I've ever had the fortune to stumble across online. But now, there is new material online, and is still being updated: "I Am a Japanese School Teacher." The stories are pure unadulterated comedy. Basically, he's a young black male, college graduate, teaching English in Japan to 12-15 year olds, and funny shit just happens. The scary thing is it's not fiction.
But imagine one day a 14-yr old Japanese girl walks up to you and just shouts out "Spread your legs!" I had no idea how to react to that. If she'd whipped out a gun or a a samurai sword or even a small woodland animal I could have dealt with that, but "Spread your legs!" left me completely incapacitated.
Maybe they also expect me to control the weather too, which would explain why they're always saying "samui ne?" in the winter ("It's cold, huh?") and "atsui ne?" in the summer ("it's hot, huh?"). I guess I'm supposed to fly up, tilt my head, and say something like "Gods of the weather skies! Expel this cold front and give us good weather for golfing!" I will draw the line however if they ask me to use my adamantium claws to slice their sushi.
One particular article isn't comedy at all; rather, it's actually quite heartwarming, maybe because I can identify with the author's perspective regarding people, but it even has a picture of the owl and the birthday card...just a magnificent story. And it goes on and on and on...awesome awesome awesome website. Gogogogo, what are you waiting for?

II. 2-24-05 Astronomy
Wow, a galaxy with no stars!?!?! Strong evidence for a massive galaxy totally devoid of stars has been found in the Virgo cluster, about 50 million light years away from Earth. If the existence of this "dark galaxy" is confirmed, it will vindicate the favoured theory of how galaxies form.

I. 2-24-05 Fight Club
Holy crap, there's one in real life, and it's apparently one hell of a shindig. Terrific article. Women take part, too: This time around Matsuoka left the ring with a fractured nose and two black eyes. "The next day I was walking around Safeway, and people thought I was a domestic violence victim, that I'd been abused. I'm like, 'I'm sore, and I look fucked-up, but I feel great!' "
Sounds pretty nuts: "Everybody comes out of this with a bloody lip and a smile. Remember the way you used to romp around the house as a kid? This is the adult version."

I. 2-22-05 Cats...
...are f'in crazy. Seriously, why the hell would a normal "loving" cat just suddenly go apeshit like that? Must've gotten into the hidden cocaine stash in the basement or something, aha.

I. 2-21-05 Constantine
Wasn't planning to see this movie, so I went and read Ebert's review (one of the funniest I've seen yet), but after reading this line in particular, I want to check it out:
Constantine holds her underwater in a bathtub until she passes out and sees the torments of hell. No bright white corridors and old friends and Yanni for her. You wonder what kind of an L.A. cop would allow herself to be experimentally drowned in a bathtub by a guy who lives over a bowling alley. LOL

Damn, it's been raining like crazy lately. Again.

III. 2-20-05 Weeeeeeeee gonads and strife
Ever wondered what it would be like to see a non-flying squirrel...fly?

II. 2-19-05 Tales of the L337
Remember that great flash rendition of Romeo and Juliet from around fall '01? Well, they've made a Hamlet movie, too. If you haven't seen the Romeo and Juliet one before, watch that one first. Sooooooooo hilarious.

I. 2-19-05 Genius
Not to mention comical. Check this out. The guy was locked down by parking and transportation or something, so...he thought of a solution. Once you've scrolled through the first page or so, go to page 4 and scroll to the bottom. He explains how he did it on page 7. Awesome awesome awesome. Meanwhile, check out this vid of a guy who set his Bacardi or whatever on fire and then tried to drink it.

II. 2-17-05 Another "phenomenon" explained
Now there's scientific evidence to why men fall asleep shortly after sex!
The blood rush after climax depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen, leaving men feeling physically drained. Because they have more muscle mass than women, men become tired after sex and this subsequently leads to them feeling sleepy. Tips to avoid this? 'Have sex out of the bedroom, away from the usual sleeping environment, or play uplifting music - not the usual romantic sounds,' he suggested. Genius! Have Beethoven's 9th symphony or Tchaikovsky's 1812 blaring while you're at it. The cannons must add a particularly nice oomph. Some other ideas: Olympic fanfare, Star Wars main theme, or maybe some Indiana Jones. Yeah, that'll get people in the mood.

I. 2-17-05 Dog Arson
This has to go into the top 10 crazy stories of the year: woman sets an unwanted dog on fire, dog sets house on fire, killing woman's two children (age 2 and 3). Well, it happened 15 years ago, but was only figured out now. Stories: AP, Pittsburgh.

I. 2-16-05 Weather
An interesting look in pictures at how the world is changing due to warming temperatures. Read the captions.

I. 2-14-05 Mexican Food?
Happy Valentine's Day/Single's Awareness Day/American GDP Boost Day. I went to Alerto's for a breakfast burrito with no ham, no bacon, and loaded with Pico de Gallo salsa stuff. Hopefully, you had a more spectacular dinner than mine. Anyways, I was bored and decided to look for Alerto's on the internet, and...hilarity ensued. Go to google.com, type "Alerto's" in the search field, and click on "I'm feeling lucky." Doesn't it have EVERYTHING to do with Mexican food? aha

I. 2-13-05 Lobster Boiling, Self-Defense
And the battle over whether lobsters feel pain or not when boiled rages on!!!
"It's a semantic thing: No brain, no pain," said Loughlin, now a biologist at the Maine Atlantic Salmon Commission. Salmon Commission? I wonder what salmon biologists know about crustaceans.
Also, if you ever wondered how you'd fare against an attacker if all you had on you was a walking stick or an umbrella, this is your lucky day, because there is a site that will teach you the art of Umbrella-Kun-Do, or whatever the hell you wanna call it.

I. 2-11-05 Gay Penguin Outrage!!!
Haha, I wish I was making this stuff up.
A plan by a German zoo to test the sexual appetites of a group of suspected homosexual penguins has sparked outrage among gay and lesbian groups, who fear zookeepers might force them to turn straight. LOL

I. 2-10-05 Just in Time for Valentine's Day
Well, now there's actually scientific data behind saying "Lost love can cause a broken heart." Literally.
The Johns Hopkins doctors documented how a dayslong surge of adrenaline and other stress hormones can cause a decline in the heart's pumping capacity. The researchers theorized that the hormones probably cause tiny heart blood vessels to contract, but other explanations are possible.

I. 2-9-05 Ragnarok Endurance Arena
Super addicting game. I wasted waaaaay too many hours today playing this.
I was slain by lvl 71, lol. I could have made it farther, but I made some critical errors late in the game by gambling that I'd hit him and not kill him while I had 400 or so hp, and I got 3 crits and he died, leaving me to fight the next boss severely handicapped. Oh well, my fault for slipping for a moment and not watching the guy's HP. My final stats:
62 str (dmg 122-134), 64 agi (evasion 135%), 13 dex (134% accu), 49 vit (max hp 2132, which i was nowhere NEAR the last 3-4 guys haha), 1 int (max mp 246, again, nowhere near max for last few guys), 48 luck (critical 36%)
Skills: Regen 1-10 straight, Sword Master 1-10 straight, Defense 1-10 straight. Heal 6 (never used once from lvl 1 until death)
Rank 14 on hall of fame :/

I. 2-8-05 Become a Republican!
This is ten pages of sheer hilarity. In a sarcastic way of course. I guess that leaves out all the people I used to deal with every Sunday at EFCOC, huh? Kidding, kidding. There must've been at least one or two people : )
We're not after oil. We simply want economic and military dominance of the middle east. We'll get their oil later. ahaha

III. 2-7-05 Goering's Suicide
Wow, huge news. Former US Soldier says he delivered Hermann Goering's suicide pill. For those of you that don't remember AP US/Euro or just don't know: Goering = Hitler's designated successor/ordered elimination of Jews from German economy/sentenced to death for crimes against humanity/suicided 2 hrs before scheduled execution, therefore "evading" justice.

II. 2-7-05 Love in the Middle East
Haha, I love reading stuff like this.
Cyber love blossomed between the pair for three months and soon they were making wedding plans. To pledge their troth in person, they agreed to meet in the flesh near a bus depot...Upon seeing Sanaa-alias-Jamila, Bakr-alias-Adnan turned white and screamed at the top of his lungs: "You are divorced, divorced, divorced" -- the traditional manner of officially ending a marriage in Islam.
And in more important matters, Israel and Palestine have declared an official cease-fire. Right. Bets on how long this will last begins NOW.

I. 2-7-05 Superbowl Commercials
Get 'em while they're hot. In particular: The two Ameriquest ones, Budlight commercial 4, Budweiser "Thank You," Budlight commercial 5, Fedex, GoDaddy, Lays, Subway, Tabasco. I don't know how long the links will be active, so gogogo. Or not, if you don't care...

I. 2-5-05 Infomercials
I pull all-nighters more often than I don't, usually for no particular reason at all. Anyways, this lifestyle has resulted in me seeing a lot of infomercials on TV in the middle of the night. Some of them actually look interesting, so I did a little internet research, and I've come to discover that most products you see on infomercials are bullshit. They are usually cheaply made, have tricky ways to get around their "guarantees," and in the likely event that you will need to call someone to get your product fixed, you will be shafted. I did all my reading a short while ago, but with a quick google search, I found one particular one that I thought looked good until I read internet customer feedback. Take the Ultimate Chopper, for instance. Remember - "As Seen on TV" = DO NOT BUY. These companies bet on the fact that you're a sucker that doesn't know how to do research before you buy, and trust the fake testimonials and shit. Same goes for all those "passive income" programs that try to teach you real estate strategies and such.

I. 2-4-05 Einstein
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting one of the greatest parrots alive.

I. 2-2-05 Waxing
After watching this video, I don't think I'm going to be getting waxed anytime soon. Especially in sensitive areas. No, I wasn't considering it before. Ass.

I. 1-30-05 "My Name is Lion, I Am From Fujiyama, I Eat You"
This has got to be the best thing I've seen on the internet in...at least a week. Rudimentary English lessons with a...morbid twist, lol.

I. 1-30-05 Road Rage
Another great video to spend a couple of minutes watching. Because the file is named vid_00416, you might want to rename it to something else, like..."Women Drivers"? haha, I keed, I keed. Actually, I don't :O

II. 1-29-05 Luck of the Fox
Crazy. This guy has survived 9 bombs while on duty in Iraq.
"When you hear the explosion, that's actually good," Stevens said, pointing out that because sound travels relatively slowly, hearing the blast means you have survived it. "It means you're still in the game." Hardcore.

I. 1-29-05 "You're Pure Dag-nasty Evil!"
Edit: looks like bandwidth got exceeded, damn. Go to their website for dl info, I suppose. File is called SW Ep3 - A Lost Hope.
It's been a while since I've seen a funny Star Wars spoof, but this one is great. It's 31mb, so save as.
"I am your baby's daddy!" "All ya'll is SLAVE OWNERS." rofl

I. 1-26-05 The Unseen Photos
1380 of our soldiers have died in Iraq, and scandals in the news like Abu Ghraib tarnish the reputation of our military, but remember that behind the dehumanization of shooting, killing, dying, and numbing violence, there is an element that is often forgotten: heart.
That reminds me of a short, compelling piece I read a while back: The Average US Soldier.

I. 1-25-05 Weatherman
Worst weatherman performance EVER. I doubt he ever got a second chance, haha.

I. 1-24-05 Peter Pan
Does anyone remember this guy? I think I laughed for a full five minutes back in sophomore year hs or whenever it was the first time I saw it. Still an internet classic, though.

I. 1-23-05 The Bunny Suicides
Uhhh, yeah. Some interesting comics.

III. 1-21-05 Snowblades
I just bought these. Next on the list: boots and new gloves.

II. 1-21-05 Are You Horny?
Here's one of the better video clips I've seen of random animals doing funny things.

I. 1-21-05 Gay Cartoons?
You know, Christian conservatives have proved themselves to be ignorant bastards quite often, but when James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, starts targeting SpongeBob Squarepants as gay, it reaches levels of sheer stupidity.
The makers of the video, he said, planned to mail it to thousands of schools this spring to promote a "tolerance pledge" that includes tolerance for differences of "sexual identity".
Nothing in the video or its accompanying materials refers to sexual identity.
"Perhaps you've had a bit too much Jesus when you start worrying about sexual subversion coming from an anthropomorphic sponge?" - fark forum

II. 1-19-05 Nut for Sale
edit: ebay took the auction down, damn. Some farmer was auctioning his left nut so he could buy a tractor. The "nut" was one of two peanuts. Wack.
I've seen some pretty retarded ebay auctions, but this one is pretty high up there in terms of ultra-wackness.

I. 1-19-05 212K omg
212,611 and probably higher. Pushing the limits of unreal.

III. 1-17-05 Spoof Vid
It's been a while since I've seen a bunch of asians do a spoof music video of a song, but courtesy of some Vietnamese people in Texas, here is Eminem's "Just Lose It."

II. 1-17-05 Presidential Inauguration
A list has been made of the items that are prohibited at the event (which costs $40+ million dollars, omfg?). Not included in the list are: Middle fingers, lots of eggs, the Bill of Rights, minorities, Democrats, Independents, and non-conservatives. Oh yeah, a lot of you probably hear the word "fascist" here and there and forgot what it meant because high school govt class was so long ago, so here's a refresher. Oh btw the US is gonna kick Iran's ass next. Hey, it's a step up. They actually have more evidence of a nuclear arms program than Iraq did!

I. 1-17-05 Tiananmen "Tank Man," Huygen photos
Random thought about the Tiananmen Square incident went through my head, and I looked up the "Tank Man." You know, the guy that stood in front of the tank procession and halted it for half an hour or so. Just thought it was interesting.
If you haven't read the news lately, the Huygens probe has been taking pictures of Titan (Saturn's moon), and some photo editors have put together some really cool-looking panoramas of pictures taken by the probe. This one is neat.

IV. 1-12-05 Tipping
For all of you that don't know how, when, or where to tip (teenagers, black people, people in Geos, Asians [females in particular], etc.) here is your guide. It contains info regarding waiters, bartenders, coatroom attendants, valets, pizza deliveries, taxi drivers, hotels, etc. Live by it. Otherwise you can go...die in a fire.

III. 1-12-05 Fruitless Searching Ends (war doesn't, obviously)
After about 150 billion dollars, 16000 dead Iraqi civilians, and 1357 US military deaths later, the US has officially declared that the hunt for WMDs is over. Remember? The reason that our country invaded Iraq in the first place? Of course not. No one does. *cough* right wing. I suppose this is a proper time to put a big fat "I told you so" sign on the White House lawn. And no, Saddam does not count as a WMD. Awesome how this admission came out after the election. Here is a list (funny in retrospect) of quotes by the President, VP, SecState, etc. about how they were "sure" they were there.

II. 1-12-05 Ali G
Ahahaha, Borat strikes again!!!

I. 1-12-05 Dogs
Just in case anyone was curious about pure breeds of dogs, or wanted to know if something like a Jack Russell terrier was a pure breed (it's not).

I. 1-11-05 Saved by the Bizzle
I never really watched this show that much, but I found this clip, and I thought it was hysterical. Something is wrong with me.

I. 1-10-05 Luggage Depot
If you ever wondered whatever happens to all the tons (literally) of luggage that are misplaced and lost (and never found, might I add), the answer is Alabama. In the form of an outlet. Sounds cool, I wanna go shop around other people's lost stuff, lol. Everything from jewelry to imported alcohol? :D

II. 1-7-05 Separation
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have split. Reminded of the joke Leno made back when they got together about how he felt sorry for the two because who the hell would they fantasize about when they had sex, ahah.

I. 1-7-05 Pillow Fight
It doesn't get much better than two crackasses having a pillowfight. Wait a minute, of course it can get better: one can get blasted.

III. 1-6-05 Farmer Boys
Randomly remembered this place just a few minutes ago. Funny, I consult the food list on this webpage all the time but for some reason it always flies under the radar. Anyways, it makes quite possibly the best hamburger I've ever had in my life. I can't believe I haven't been there for over a year or two. Always get the Farmer Burger: two beef patties, cheese, bacon, avocado, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion, 1000 island, sesame bun. Doesn't sound like much, but it tastes heavenly. I looked up the nutrition facts, and they only list the stats and not the percentages ahaha, so I did a little math, and this is what comes up: 1112 calories, 46g carbs (16%), 74g fat (117%), 29g sat fat (149%), 1672mg sodium (70%), 234mg cholesterol (78%). Before you say "hell no," let me remind you: AWESOME burger. This is to burgers what Ruth's Chris is to steak. This doesn't necessarily mean it's the best, but it's way up there. And it's significantly cheaper, and well worth the money. A review.

II. 1-6-05 Yet More Vigilante Justice
I'm normally not too crazy about gun-toting, card-carrying members of the NRA or guns (non-video game) in general, but this story warms my heart, heh.
Store owner Ngoc Le, 28, saw what was happening, grabbed his gun, which was legally registered, and told Reyes he would let him live if he released his wife. Reyes then threatened to kill her and Le fired once, hitting Reyes in the head.
Guy on fark thread sums it up nicely: He saved the taxpayers the cost of the trial, incarceration, appeal, release and eventual repeat criminal actions of the deceased. Total cost to the community: one bullet, a DNA test, and a few days of police work. Now that's a deal. Not to mention the rape victims from earlier don't need to get cross-examined in court and have to describe bad memories in lurid detail.

I. 1-6-05 Funniest Thread Ever
Highlights: New Halo2 t-shirt. Gelled eyebrows. "Best 45 seconds ever." ahahAHHA

I. 1-5-05 Bento wtf
Saw this on Ron's page, total omfg. I never thought that I'd ever see "cute" food, but here it is, courtesy of the Japanese: 1, 2, 3.
Today is my last day of winter break, sigh. Did nothing but wake up in late afternoon, eat spaghetti, and read news. Out with a bang.

II. 1-4-05 Swearing
Haha gotta love British TV. You probably shouldn't watch this with your parents in the room.

I. 1-4-05 AP Econ/Govt
To all my fellow FVHS-alums that passed Econ, it looks like the current batch of kids isn't doing as well. I suppose Mr. Gitschier leaving a couple of years ago has something to do with it, he was quite the guru. Of course, the last few graduating classes might have just been of lower caliber. Aren't we getting a mass influx of rejects from other school districts, or is that just hearsay and rumor?
Due to the very low pass rate of the AP Economics test in recent years, the administration has proposed to separate AP Government and AP Economics into two full year classes.

V. 1-1-05 Ruth's Chris
Well, my often-maligned attempts to go to this fine eating establishment finally came through, and somehow against all odds we found a time to agree on and had no stupid obstacles like time constraints and whatever shit that always seems to get in the way. Was it worth the months-long wait? No. Was it still the best damn steak I've had for as long as I can remember? Yes. Ohhhh yes. The steak is cooked perfectly to order, and arrives sizzling, resting on a pool of butter. No need for steak sauce. It's absolutely spectacular. To say that the flavor is intense would almost be an understatement. Guillaume and I ordered the filet, and Stan had the ribeye. RC's website describes the steak much better than I can, and the scary thing is that it's accurate. The filet is seriously THICK. Yes, it really does look like this. Minus the asparagus, which costs extra. Actually, everything costs extra lol. The filet itself is *only* 30 (ribeye is 35), but add seven dollars for mashed potatoes, Shoestring/Julienne/Steak fries or baked potato. Stan's steak fries were gargantuan. Imagine a whole potato being cut the way you'd cut an orange into slices. Four slices. Those are the steak fries. Do they taste good enough to be worth seven bucks? No. Do the mashed potatoes? No. Do the Julienne (normal cut) fries? No. Will I order some form of potato product next time I go there? Yes. Are five barbecue shrimp sautéed New Orleans style in reduced white wine, butter, garlic and spices worth twelve dollars? No. Will I get them again next time I go? Absolutely. This is the magic of Ruth's Chris. You know that logic demands that you don't pay this much money for a piece of meat and some appetizers, but you do it nonetheless, and this is why: Start with bread and water (the only complimentary items, haha [distilled/sparkling/mineral water is available for $]). Spread butter on bread. Order shrimp appetizer, then steak. Nibble bread, eat succulent shrimp, finish off remaining sauce from shrimp dish by dipping bread. Upon steak's arrival, do not touch the plate it rests on unless you want 3rd-degree burns. This is where it all starts to make sense, and this is how the restaurant gets away with charging so much for sides (since the steak only costs marginally more than say, Cattlemen's). When you finish the steak, you're left wanting more, yet incredibly satisfied at the same time. And this puts you in a place where you don't care about being charged seven bucks for a plate of fries. This puts you in a place where you don't mind dropping 10+ dollars on tax/tip per person. This puts you in a happy place. A place where all good things are thick and juicy, all vegans are idiots, and the tsunami disaster on the other side of the world seems even more distant, because your palate is telling your brain to shut down and enjoy what just happened.
Life is only as good as the memories we make. Today, my memory is a piece of meat. Fantastic. Fleming's and Morton's - you're next. Interestingly enough, Fleming's cooks their meat at 1600 degrees, Morton's at 1200, and Ruth's at 1800. We shall see which method reigns supreme...

IV. 1-1-05 Orca Madness
Just in case you woke up today and thought, "Damn, I want to see a video of a killer whale jumping onto a kayak," you're in luck.

III. 1-1-05 Human Progress
The BBC has made a list of 100 things we didn't know at this time last year.
29. The remains of thousands of mammoths have been found by fishermen in the North Sea.
75. Freak conditions above Everest can cause the sky to "fall in". An analysis of weather patterns in May 1996, by University of Toronto researchers, said eight people died when the stratosphere sank to the level of the summit.
81 . When people are in love, weird things happen. Men get more female hormones, and women get more male. Scientist Donatella Marazziti says it's as if nature wants to eliminate what can be different in men and women, perhaps to help the mating process.

II. 1-1-05 Wet New Year
Sorry to kick off '05 with a downer, but that's just the most significant story of the new year as of yet, it seems. Rain has triggered flash floods in areas that were blasted by the tsunamis because nature thinks these poor people haven't had enough water problems recently, a 6.5 aftershock has jolted the area, and the death toll is now estimated to pass 150,000. On a lighter note, $2 billion+ in international financial support has been reached.

I. 1-1-05 Reloaded
This page was getting a little heavy, so I moved the older stuff to its own "archived" page: 2004.